Reasons Why Men Pull Away

Have you ever wondered why men pull away and expect it to happen?

You get a vibe that your partner is not interested in a relationship anymore. They do not make the effort to spend quality time with you.

You feel this gut wrenching feeling that they’re not in love with you anymore. Your heart sinks. He’s distancing from the relationship and focused on their career, interests and anything that pulls him away.

You’ve become convinced that he’s not in love you, so you avoid that dreaded feeling of rejection by not caring in return and giving your partner the cold shoulder. You stop being interested in the relationship or you avoid him, so that you feel less hurt.

So, you start withdrawing, hoping he might come closer or notice how you’re feeling.  You might accuse him of not loving you, to see whether he notices how you feel, and he tells you that you’re insecure and being silly. This makes you feel even more worthless. Your feelings have been invalidated and you feel more guarded and less likely to open up to him. Whereas, he feels offended that you question how he feels when he works so hard for his family to prove his love and devotion, but he feels it is ignored and nothing he does is good enough. So, in turn, he withdraws from you and starts pulling away to avoid feeling this way.

He actually feels not good enough, deep down, but doesn’t realise this, he focuses on the things that makes him feel better about himself, where he can feel validated or worthy.

Do men pull away because you do?

The truth is, your partner did not stop loving you, yet. Maybe you’ve pushed him away by thinking he does not love you. So, now he’s withdrawing from you.

He waits for you to show him love and acceptance, but he is afraid to show you how he feels since you push him away when he gets close.

When you question his love, he does not feel loved and feels pushed away. So he protects himself from feeling hurt by moving away from you.

You show him how you feel by not being interested in the relationship or avoid him, so that you feel less hurt. When you withdraw love, he also withdrawals love.

When you’re convinced that your partner does not love you, because you feel worthless deep down, it is easy to blame him for causing you to feel this way, so that you feel better about yourself, but it can push him away from loving you.

If  you blame him for feeling unloved or abandoned, he can end up defending himself to prove you wrong, or he pulls away. You can feel convinced that he’s rejecting you when it stirs up those insecurities within yourself.

When you’ve put your wall up to protect yourself from getting hurt, he feels unloved and unwanted, by thinking that you do not care about him. It feels safer form him distance from you, play with the kids or dog, because they acknowledge him. Yet, deep down he has a longing and craving for love that gets displaced onto other things.

The truth is, he secretly wants you, but cannot show you how he feels, the same way you cannot show him how you feel. It feels too scary for each of you to lower your defences and show each other your vulnerable feelings.

When you feel insecure about yourself, no matter what your partner says, you may not believe them, or misread their signs of love. Our unconscious perception can cloud how we see things, causing us to be not open to receiving love, as reasons why men pull away.

If you are not open to receiving love because you do not believe it, you will push love away and end up feeling rejected

If you have an unknown fear of rejection, the chances are that you will push love away, without realising it.  So, your partner ends up rejecting you.

Accept love and stop him pulling away

 Men pull away when they feel their love is not acknowledged, which occurs when their partner does not believe them and cannot accept their love, unknowingly pushing men away.

Find out how to stop men pulling away and receive love in your life.

Are you unknowingly causing him to pull away? Find out  how to have self love and be open to receiving love in your life, to prevent men pulling away.

When you can truly love yourself and feel good about yourself, you will be able to accept love and give it back, and stop men pulling away

At Counselling in Melbourne, we offer relationship counseling Melbourne for individuals, so you learn how to accept love in your life, by working through feelings of not being good enough.

We also offer Couple counselling or couple therapy Melbourne assists couples to express underlying feelings so that feelings can become a source of bridging connection.

Having a M.Soc Sc (Couns) Nancy Carbone offers relationship therapy. If you find your partner pulling away, you can contact Nancy at Counselling Services Melbourne , sign up on her newsletter for free advice and tips.

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All content is copyright Nancy Carbone 2018